Creating Goal Clarity
So how are those goals going? Are you rocking it or already struggling to find the motivation to keep going after it? Life got in the way? You took on to large a chunk? Didn’t have enough support? Or maybe you set a goal that is symbolic of what you want rather than what you really want.
Our brains have developed in such a way that we can confuse the symbolic for the literal. We understand that calling someone a dirty scoundrel may or may not be a reference to the last time they showered but we get the same sense of disgust as if it has been a month or so when we say it.
Take a minute and imagine you are going to a dressy function. You buy a new outfit and take some extra time putting it all together. Now imagine that you arrive at the function and a friend greets you with “Hey, you look really nice!” How does this feel to you? Okay, so again imagine arriving, only this time the friend says “Hey, you look like a million bucks!” Do you notice the little visceral zing this gives you? Not because you look like a pile of green backs but because of what that pile symbolizes. Freedom, success, happiness!
A friend recently told me they needed to lose 30 pounds so they would be happier. When I asked to understand this better, they said, “Well, if I do this then my boyfriend will stay attracted to me and maybe I’ll be more confident and can ask for the raise I want.”
So, what is really the goal here? Is it weight loss or being happier and confident? If it is to be happier and confident, what exactly does this look like? If this is the goal, then weight loss may become a strategy and not the end goal. Don’t get me wrong, there is an abundant amount of research that indicates a healthy diet and exercise can do great things for your mood, but I don’t think it will fix your relationship tension, your sabotaging self-doubt or your difficult boss. There may be many more strategies that you can put into play once you know what you really want instead of putting all the focus on one strategy and expecting it to transform your life.
So how do we know if our goal is symbolic or literal? Imagine yourself having achieved the goal. Take some time and really build a clear picture, what is different? What is happening then that isn’t now? Ask yourself, “If I achieve this, what does it get me?” If the answer is something concrete like. “I will lower my risk of heart disease like my doctor said.” then perhaps weight loss IS the end goal. If the answer has an emotional or value driven quality, is someone else’s goal for you or is intended to get someone else to do something, then it’s likely that the goal is symbolic and not what you truly want, or at least not all of it.
For a step by step guide to check your goal clarity click here:
Sources:
This Is Your Brain on Metaphors By Robert Sapolsky NY Times November 14, 2010 4:32 pm
